“i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography
“I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.
“I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy
“I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book
a pop up book
pop up
if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence
Me on the phone: Yeah I’m going to be late to work today.
Supervisor: Why?
Me: There’s a cat gang bang happening on top of my car.
Supervisor: (silence)
Supervisor: Well can’t you break it up?
Me: Who am I to break up a cat gang bang? They’ve probably been organizing it for days on Craigslist.
Supervisor: Good point. See you when you get here.
omg that’s not a gangbang, that’s a fucking threesome
(Source: lewis1993)
I am saying that if this post gets 500,000+ notes, then I will walk across the Sydney Harbour Bridge in a goddamn penis suit.
And we’ve plateaued at about 300 notes. This is good news.
Not if I can help it.
-mayra*
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